Sigh No More

[reformingfury]

Things were starting to really get busy for Dave, lately. Anderson's arrival, the play, the new school term. Trixa just opened the casino, and now he'll have a job as well. Sundays are his new nights to unwind, and he knows exactly how he wants to spend the first one; relatively peacefully with his share of the cider he and Rachel won for the swing dance competition. He's been hoarding it just for the right occasion, and while some people could argue that there are other nights that could have been just right for breaking it open (like getting out of the mines more or less in one piece), tonight just felt right, especially after more rehearsals. He's just gotten out of the shower and is looking forward to bumming somewhere in or around the compound without a bunch of excitement and new folks about him.

Of course, he thinks as he tosses his damp towel aside, it would be even better to share it with someone.

Kurt has been spotted around the compound more than usual, and given the timing and the tension he's seen in the other, Dave is pretty sure that it has something to do with the arrival of the Mayor of Munchkin Town. If it's enough to drive him from Cassa de Nude Erections, then shit is serious. He might not be the best guy for the job, but he figures Kurt would like someone to talk to and unwind. Plus, there are some things on Dave's mind as well as a result of talking to Blaine Anderson and it'd be good to get things off his chest. He's just hoping that the offer of cider would be tempting enough to get Kurt to join him for a chat.

[OOC: For Kurt, timed to Sunday night.]

Comments

[reformingfury]

"Oh. Well, I'm sure you could grab something in one of those, still. Anything you put your mind to, right?" Sure, Kurt was fancy as hell and he's not sure he could place him in Othello or Julius Caesar, but he's a good performer.

Dave bites his lip as the other boy processes what he just said, and... well, yeah. He does remember that Kurt dated Brittany for a week. The replacement of his complicated outfits by flannel and a baseball cap threw off a lot of them. "Good thing. You don't have to change. Not for anyone, no matter what kinda shit they throw at you."

He fidgets a bit more and finally makes up his mind. "Kurt, can I just... be honest for once? Like, no more dodging shit and moping about what I actually want to say here?" Because he doesn't think it could be more obvious, and nothing will happen if they just avoid the topic. For a moment, he wants to reach for the singer's hand, but he decides against it.

For now.

[likesboys]

Blinking, Kurt's gaze shifts off to the side for a moment. He has the option of saying no right now, right? He has the ability to say no, to refuse to listen to what it is that Karofsky's about to share with him, because there's just something about the way he's carrying himself that feels strange. Like he has a secret to tell.

But Kurt also tries to be there for his friends as often as he can, so he meets Karofsky's gaze again, tilting his head.

"Sure, I guess," he says.

[reformingfury]

"Yeah. Awesome, ok." Fuck, now what? Where the hell does he begin? 'Hey, you know that time I told you get out of my face and when you didn't, I kinda mashed my lips against yours instead of using my fist? Well, it's 'cause I've actually kinda always thought you were hot and I couldn't take it anymore.' Yeah, that'd go fucking great.

Deep breath, Dave. Start at the beginning and don't be an ass.

"Back at McKinley, I was jealous of you. By a lot. You were kinda obviously gay, but you friggin' owned it and basically pissed on what others thought of you with how proud you were. That you were smarter and different, even if it meant shit heads like me pushing you around. Because shit heads like me know we aren't as good as you. That we're afraid." He takes a moment, wishing he didn't just down the last of his cider so fast. When did his mouth run so dry?

"That day you followed me into the locker room, the way you got mad... Fucking hell, this is going to be the corniest thing I'll likely ever say. You looked like an angel. A really freaking angry angel in badass boots, but still like an angel. Ready to come down and strike me stupid ass for giving you and the rest of the nerds shit each day. And everything you said, the way you faced me off, it was terrifying. But it was also beautiful. Like all the courage that took just made you shine.

"And that's why I cracked. Because even though I hated you for being proud like I could never be... I also really freakin' liked you. I still do." Looking back up to make eye contact, Dave swallows hard, willing himself to finally say it.

"Actually, I think I love you."

[likesboys]

...what?

Kurt listens carefully to Dave's explanation, taking in every word, and yet somehow it feels like he's trying to push together pieces that don't quite manage to fit. His hands remain politely on his mug, but his fingers start to press against the surface with greater force, as though that might help anchor him through the confusion. He's pretty sure that most of the bullies at McKinley didn't bully Kurt because they thought of him as better, smarter, or enviable in any way— he's pretty sure that they saw him as wrong, as easy pickings.

Maybe he scared them, but only in the way that Kurt honestly wishes he wouldn't scare anyone— the kind that lodges itself in one's stomach and turns nausea over fresh. He scares people sometimes, but only because they think him unnatural.

With a slight inhale, Kurt glances up, tilting his head. "You're telling me... that the bullying, all of the name-calling and the threats, they were because you liked me?" he asks incredulously.

[reformingfury]

Shit, he knew this was a terrible idea.

"Yeah... partially." Dave can feel his resolve crumbling and he buries his face in his hands. "I know. I'm completely fucked up and I don't even friggin' deserve to get to talk to you. And you've got your thing with Anderson. But, with all the things that happened back home after you came back, and then when I got back here, I just– I needed to just..." He can feel the tears stinging already. He can't do this. He should have done this. What was the point, anyhow? He's so fucking stupid.

"I'm sorry. Just forget it." Getting up and taking his empty mug, Dave bites his lip as he looks at Kurt. Don't fucking cry. "Enjoy the rest of the cider, Kurt. I'll just... leave you alone."

[likesboys]

"Dave," Kurt finally manages to stammer, rising to his feet, the mug still held between his hands. He wasn't want to make Karofsky feel bad, at the end of the day. They're tentative friends, they're doing their best to patch things up after everything that's happened, and Kurt doesn't want to completely toss that aside. Taking a deep breath, he shakes his head. "I'm flattered that you feel that way, I really am, and I don't think you're the guy you think you are. You were confused, and scared, and being what we are is scary in Lima. I'd be the first person to tell you that. The fact that you didn't know how to get through that on your own doesn't make you an awful person."

Sighing between his teeth, Kurt shakes his head. "But... I'm with Blaine. You know that, right? And I hope you're able to find something like that, I know you can, but I can't return your feelings. I think of you as a friend."

[reformingfury]

"Yeah. Yeah I know." And he's branding himself a coward for not doing something about his feelings before the little prancey boy and his stupid perfect everything came around. Even if it was still hopeless. Like telling him when it was already a definite loss to protect himself in a way was further proof of how scared he still is.

"I meant what I said. He's an idiot if he doesn't love you the way– the way you deserve to be loved. I just want you to be happy." Even if I'm not the one to make you happy. Even with how much that hurts. "It's all I've wanted for you once I got my head out of my ass."

Dave blinks and knows that his tears are probably falling now. He wonders if he'll ever stop feeling so vulnerable around this boy.

"I've gotta go. I'll see you 'round, ok?"

Before Kurt can answer, he turns around and flees so he can just collapse in the privacy of the elevator before he reaches his room.